I have had my blog for about three years now. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone! I was a stay at home mommy and nanny. I was very over weight and unhappy. I loved my life, my hubby and kids, even my “extra” kids but I was very unhappy with myself. I never took time to take care of myself, I ate terribly and ended up feeding my family terribly too. My kiddos LOVE Mac and Cheese, and I let them eat it ALL the time. I had a very strange skewed view of what it meant to be a stay at home mom. (And I’m not even sure where most of the ideas came from!) In order to make myself feel more useful I baked cookies a LOT! It was very delicious, but not at all healthy.
In an effort to use my mind a little more often, use the writing skills that I had learned in the little bit of college that I did and finally get a little healthier, I decided to start my blog. I signed up for Weight Watchers and wrote my first blog post. All about how I was going to take control of that area of my life and how I just knew that the weight was just going to MELT away!
That’s not what happened!
I stuck with my points for a few months and did lose some weight, but I hadn’t really changed what I was eating, just the amount. I did pay closer attention to what I was eating and when. So if i ate 3 Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies for breakfast than I knew I had to be much more conservative the rest of the day. At least it was a starting point. I did eat a lot of salad, which I really did enjoy. I particularly loved all the toppings to make the salad that much better. Barbeque Chicken Salads with black beans, corn, tortilla chips, sun flower seeds, chicken, barbeque sauce and ranch dressing. Somewhere under all that was some lettuce – though how there was room after all that I don’t know! As well as many other varieties of salads all covered in toppings and doused in ranch. I did switch to fat free ranch to try to save myself some points. Because I was eating a salad I automatically assumed I was eating healthy and then would be frustrated if I didn’t lose any weight that day.
Even though I clearly had so much to learn about eating healthy, it did work a little bit. I lost about 20 pounds. It was a very good place for me to start learning about how to pay attention to what I was eating and keeping track of all the things that I wanted to eat through out the entire day.
I gained some weight back and lost some again. I yo yo-ed like that for a while. Eventually losing close to 40 lbs. But it seemed like I could never break that 40 pound mark. And although I had lost an impressive amount already, I didn’t feel any better because to me my body still looked the same. I still had the same rolls and flabby skin. Even when my pants were too big I still had a muffin top, my post baby belly still looked pouchy, and despite the weight loss my boobs were still the same size! (I know that doesn’t seem like a problem to some people, but it REALLY was for me!)
I kept writing my blog, but after that first post about joining weight watchers, I didn’t write about my weight loss again. I couldn’t talk about something that I felt I was failing at, even though I was clearly losing weight. I turned my blog into somewhere that I wrote about crafts, recipes and of course my kiddos. And I started following all kinds of blogs of that variety for inspiration. Then I decided to take a leap of faith and went to a blogging conference, where there were tons of bloggers and so many amazing inspiring stories. It truly was a great experience, that I let paralyze me from fear. I almost immediately stopped blogging. I had such huge ideas and vision for what I could make my blog, but lacked the confidence and faith in myself to put the work into making that happen. I kept watching other bloggers, reading their blogs getting little pieces of inspiration along the way.
One of those blogs did a June fitness challenge, and I thought once again here was one part of my life that I could control. So I decided that I would participate. I took all my measurements and weighed myself and wrote it all down on a poster board in my closet. I started out on June 1st doing a 10 minute trainer everyday…
…. Stay tuned for the rest of this story…